The Randomness that is Rune Factory
by Mockery of Gold
Summary: Well, I'm finally putting up a Rune Factory one!  *Cough*  Ok, summary... Dive into the 'tranquil' world of Rune Factory, and discover certain things that the characters didn't want you to see.  EXTREME crackfic, if you couldn't tell.
1. What The?

**I wrote this because the Snickerdoodles told me to. **

…**Sneaky cookie bastards.**

***Reeeeewwwwrrrriiiiiteeeeeee (Well, I just fixed some errors, but, well, you catch my drift.)**

Me: Well, uh… hi… this is… uh… Rune Factory… I chat with the characters… make Eunice do the Truffle Shuffle… you know… Well, I think we should start with-

*A portal appears and Toushirou Hitsugaya from Bleach pops out*

Toushirou: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Back the hell up! Why is it that you _torture_ us, but when it comes to your beloved _Rune Factory_ characters, you're all, "Would you like some tea Barrett? Maybe you would enjoy a crumpet, Bianca?"

Me: Well, well, well… looks like somebody's jealous of my divided and unequal attention.

Toushirou: Oh screw this *Shunpo's the hell out of wherever I am*

Me: I guess Rune Factory peeps wouldn't get it… you see, I used to feed him dead puppies and now he takes it all personal-

_Commercial Break_

Announcer: Stop in the name of love! Have you ever been greatly annoyed by commercial breaks?

Bianca: There isn't even a TV in this game…

Announcer: This product is known all over the world-

Bianca: My daddy owns every known product in the world, and this isn't one of them-

Announcer: You just need to give us your address, phone number, holiday, festival, and regular schedule! Then you can easily skip commercial-

Bianca: That doesn't really make sense-

Announcer: *Takes off costume and turns out to be Stella* "You know kid, you always gotta f*** everything up! I would've given you Raguna's schedule too, since like most Harvest Moon characters he can't wait to buy crap he can barely afford, but noooo, you gotta be all rich bitch and criticize my every freakin move! So go screw yourself, you Erica cosplayer!"

Me: You kinda do look like Erica…

Stella: No… I think it's more of the personality.

Me: You know… she kind of looks like a blue-haired Teto.

Stella: They need to stop making Vocaloids. I can't keep count of them all.

Bianca: Shut up! *Runs away screaming something about her pig monster she tried being all cool about since it was given a name that sounds French, and everyone thinks French stuff is fancy like French desserts; and does anyone see those French perfumes? Oh lord there so weird, it's like-

Director: YOU'RE STILL IN YOUR- OH WHAT ARE THEY CALLED… IT STARTED WITH AN A… OH WHATEVER! YOU'RE STILL IN YOUR HOLD DOWN SHIFT KEY AND PRESS EIGHT!

Cinnamon: Wow, you people are so well educated…

Candy: *Hits Cinnamon over the head with a baseball bat, hard. Blood starts coming out of Cinnamon's scalp and sooner or later she stops squirming*

Lara: We should treat her- oh she's dead, looks like it's too late *nonchalant voice*

Kanno: We'll miss her deeply *also apathetic*

Eunice: But you're her grandfather!

Kross: "DO THE TRUFFLE SHUFFLE"

Eunice: What…?

Me: You heard him! Kross want Truffle Shuffle!

Eunice: But, I'm a girl…

Erik: Whaaat?

*The whole place turns to bedlam*

Rita: Why must I have such a hideous daughter!

Eunice: ):

Turner: I wish I never met you at that gas station! *slaps Rita* You damn hooker!

Rita: You didn't meet me at a gas station…

Turner: ….Oh…

*Whale Island appears and slowly falls toward the ground*

Iris Noire: I BELIEVE I CAN FLYYYY, I BELIEVE I CAN FALL ON THE GROUND AND KILL THAT BITCHY BIANCA~

Iris Blanche: Guess what, Iris?

Iris N.: What is it, Iris?

Iris B.: I'm painting a picture of Bianca getting ripped apart by marijuana-sniffing dogs!

Iris N.: I love how we both use our creative talents to show our hatred for a girl we never met before, yet somehow know what she looks like!

Iris B.: Yes, we are wonderful!

Me: Jeese, are these guys narcissistic or what?

*Whale Island reaches the ground and only one person is under the island. She isn't a game character though. She's Kotonoha Katsura from the anime School Days*

Me: HAHAHA… NICE WHALE.

**If anyone gets the references I'll love you forever. I'll give you a virtual cookie too! They're only 250 calories a piece, and taste like nothings there! 'Cause nothing is there, it's… just your imagination. Now that I think about it, it would just be a huge loss… how about virtual lettuce! It's like water! But, you can't have water next to a computer or else you might spill it all over…**

**Well, review or else you'll have to watch Eunice do the Truffle Shuffle! Unless you're into that kind of stuff; if that's the case… then… you…can't… see her do it…? 0.e**


	2. The Intervention

**Well, here's another one. Those snicker doodles are evil, by the way. So very tantalizing… Ugh school starts up again tomorrow… why must you haunt me Algebra!**

Raguna: Ah! W-what am I doing here?

Me: Welcome, my friend. You have entered the BEST PLACE IN THE UNIVERSE!

Raguna: ….Can I go home…?

Cinnamon: *very bipolariously (I know it's not a word)* NO!

Candy: I thought we got rid of y- I mean… yay sis is back…

Kanno: Why lord? Why must this happen…

Eunice: *Walks up to a crying Cinnamon* Well… at least your name tastes delicious…

_WE NOW RETURN YOU TO: The Intervention_

*Mist walks in her house, to find a crying Raguna and some of the villagers on her floor, since she's too poor to buy chairs*

Mist: Um… what's going on…?

*Raguna starts heavily sobbing*

Rita: Mist… honey… we need to talk.

*Mist walks over*

Rita: You see… Mist… you have a problem…

Mist: A problem? I don't have a problem!

Raguna: *Still crying* Mist… you need to stop with the radishes (or turnips in frontier) you're… constantly talking about them… and you keep eating them; it's not good for you…

Mist: Hey man! I-I can stop anytime I want!

Kanno: Then stop now!

Mist: I DON'T WANT TO!

Bianca: Look, I don't care about you that much… but it really isn't good for you…

Mist: SH-SHUT UP!

Tabatha: Madam Mist, obsessions aren't good…

Mist: SAYS THE GIRL WHO ALWAYS HAS TO HAVE A RUBBER DUCK IN HER POCKET! AND EUNICE LOVES DOUGHNUTS!

Raguna: SHE'S FAT, IT'S COMPLETELY DIFFERENT!

Eunice: ;-;

Tabatha: She's not a duck! Her name is Jennifer and she's my best friend!

Bianca: I thought I was your best friend…

Tabatha: ARE YOU KIDDING!

Eunice: Am I really fat…?

*Danny randomly starts to spaz on the floor*

Cinnamon: There's foam coming out of his mouth!

Uzuki: Sore wa kenzende wa nai koto o!

Raguna: WHAT THE F*** DID SHE JUST SAY!

Uzuki: Ushi wa anata o reipu suru!

Raguna: *To Selphy* What did she say…?

Selphy: It's best if you don't know…

*Beatrice from _Umineko No Naku Koro Ni _randomly comes through a portal*

Beatrice: …uhhhh…

Me: Sorry… just thinking out loud again… *zaps her back*

Mist: HAHAHA I HAVE A CHAINSAW! *Chasing villagers with chainsaw*

Uzuki: Yandere ga yurunde wa arimasen!

Raguna: I HEARD YANDERE!

Cinnamon: Wow, great job Raguna…

Me: Cinnamon you're one of my favorites, but you're a bitch

Bianca: You are pretty cruel….

Eunice: Am I really _that_ fat…?

Candy: NUCKLEHEAD MC-SPAZATRON

Turner: WATCH ME PELVIC THRUST, EVERYONE!

*Iris Noire and Iris Blanche appeared*

Me: Oh, great…

Melody: HI EVERYONE! SUNSHINE AND HAPPINESS IS AMAZING!

Raguna: That's not what you said when I tried entering the woman's bath!

Selphy: Was she supposed to!

Tabatha: Make love to me Jennifer!

Bianca: This is getting out of control!

Eunice: …is anyone going to answer me?

Iris N.: THE HILLS ARE ALIVE, WITH THE SOUND OF MUSIC

Iris B.: *Takes out brush* I have the power of the brush, for I am Amaterasu, the great sun god!

Me: Can we keep Okami out of this?

Iris B.: I will learn the rejuvenation technique, and grow back my wings; I _AM_ THE DINOSAUR!

Iris N.: Why does this happen to me? *singing it, of course; since we all know what an amazing singer she is*

*Iris Blanche begins to run in circles and move her arms up and down. Cinnamon is 'mysteriously' attacked by the baseball bat again.*

Lara: *Reading an Elfen Lied manga* Oh no… *sarcastically*

Me: You're just the best nurse in the world, aren't you?

Kyle: Hi my names Kyle!

Me: *Hits Kyle over the head with an axe* Go and be gay with Barrett!

Bianca: NO DON'T LET THE SEQUEL COME IN HERE!

Raguna: But we're Rune Factory Frontier, and there the second so that doesn't make any sense…

Bianca: WE WERE IN THE FIRST ONE! WHY ARE YOU SO STUPID!

Raguna: *crying* if that's how you feel…

*Raguna ran away and Bianca chased after him. An eerie and awkward silence vibrated throughout the room. Another girl entered through the portal of doom. She had crimson eyes and a matching bow*

Me: What's with all the f****** School Days characters!

Eunice: … Anyone..? ;.;

**And that's a wrap, folks! I didn't have any soda, but you just gotta roll with the punches! If you can guess the School Days character, you can have some more lettuce…**

**I'd better review though, or else you'll never find out if anyone answers Eunice! Now that I think about it, that threat isn't very good… I'll make you listen to Melody rant on about sunshine! No, that's not good either- WAIT KROSS WASN'T IN THIS EPIS- *Gets cut off by producers***


	3. Hamster Apocalypse?

**Haha! Chapter three! Wasn't that quick?**

Minerva: Where am I?

Erik: Young man, young man?

Minerva: …Excuse me?

Erik: YOunG MaN!

Me: I apologize. That's the only thing he says.

Lara: Oh no, he must be pregnant then!

Bianca: I'd rather have _Turner_ operate on me than you.

Raguna: OPERATION! GEE WIZ, I LOVE THAT GAME!

Lara: I'm not even a nurse.

Raguna: I love when the guy's nose blinks, it's so bodacious!

Rosetta: Was that even used properly?

Rita: So telling me to stay in that ditch overnight _wasn't _a medical prescription?

Tabatha: Actually, I told you that.

Danny: Oooooooo, buurn.

Rosetta: Shut your mouth you whore.

Me: Come on! We don't need to bump up the rating anymore!

Danny: Maybe if this customer-stealing _bitch_-

Rosetta: You never had customers in the first place! I bet your shops a secret crack-house!

Melody: Hey! No stealing my ideas!

Raguna: O.o

Melody: Not the crack thing- I…uh… THE THING ABOUT ROSETTA BEING A BITCH!

Rosetta: Some friend you turned out to be!

Erik: Y-young man!

Me: What is it boy? Mist is stuck in the Green Ruins?

Erik: YOUNG MAN!

Raguna: Who cares? Let the bitch rot.

Cinnamon: I think-

Kanno: NO ONE CARES WHAT YOU THINK! GO EAT 50 RAW SALMON AND DIE FROM MERCURY POISONING!

Candy: Grandpa, I think it's quicker to just-

Kanno: YOU CAN SEE THE SPIRITS! BRING BACK MY DOG!

Candy: What?

Kanno: MY DOG! FROM GOOD OL' 1376! OHHH, THOSE WERE THE DAYS…

Stella: THE HAMSTERS! THEY HAVE ARRIVED AT LAST!

Everyone except for the few sane ones (scratch that, everyone): NOOOOOOOOOOO

Danny: IT'S THE MOTHER FRAGGING APOCALYPSE!

Tabatha: Jennifer, you've always been like my closest sister!

Minerva: o_o

Lara: HAHA! All these years of worshipping Satan will have not been in vain! Have fun suffering _bitches!_

Me: You _are _aware that she's in the church, right?

Stella: No one else was willing to pretend to be doctor.

Raguna: DRINK CACTUS JUICE, IT'LL QUENCH YA!

Me: Avatar…?

Erik: YOUNG MANNNN!

*Giant flying hamsters come falling from the sky like meteors*

Rosetta: Oh sh*t!

Selphy: Wow, I'm actually in a chap-

Danny: Those things are huge!

Selphy: AS I WAS SAY-

Eunice: You know, no one answered me from last chapter.

Me: STOP BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL!

Selphy: HEY-

Me: You know what Eunice, I'm gonna make Selphy the one nobody cares about.

Eunice: :D Really?

Me: *Pats head* You got it, kid.

Selphy: -_- I'm going to go read a book about murder.

Raguna: But you don't know how to-

Selphy: THEY DON'T NEED TO KNOOWWWWW

*Suddenly Mist appears on one of the hamsters, wielding a turnip sword*

Mist: AND THEY SAID I WOULD NEVER AMOUNT TO ANYTHING! WELL GUESS WHAT, DAD. I'M ON A _GIANT _HAMSTER! SUCK ON THAT!

Eunice: I really want to go home.

Me: You could…

Eunice: :)

Me: …If you do the Truffle Shuffle

Eunice: ):

**I know this is awful; just wanted to get something out here. I only put 20 minutes into this. More will be coming out soon!**


	4. I Can't Even Name This Chapter

**I decided to do a COMPLETELY different writing style this time, since I couldn't think of any good jokes and I really wanted to put something out. The script style will be back next chapter if everyone hates this style; so, in other words, the script style will be back next chapter.**

_It has been five days since our…um… __heroes__ had barely survived the giant hamster invasion led by Mist and her giant pet hamster Cutiepie, who ironically is the scariest looking hamster any mortal could EVER set eyes on._

_Seriously, that thing looked like a flying Woolie on LSD._

_Most of the villagers were safe, though Minerva had to be sacrificed to the Duck Gods since Tabatha refused to let go of her bffl Jennifer, who was the daughter of the Lord of Ducks. Though the Lord would miss his daughter, he decided that Tabatha was worthy of taking care of her, and offered to wed them._

_Tabatha kindly declined, because, well, that's just a little __too__ weird for this fanfic. _

_So the Lord of Ducks took Jennifer back to the Pond in the Sky, and Tabatha mourned for her bffl about 2 months longer than she did for her sister. She mourned Jennifer for 2 months._

_But, to be honest, who could blame her?_

"I never really knew Jennifer, but she always told the best stories at the bar. The punch line 'Quack, quack!'… HAHAHAHAHAHAha…ha…ha… Oh, sorry; Excuse me… Well, her jokes were funny…okay…?" The congregation mumbled to themselves about Melody being either a schizophrenic or just a plain crack-head. Mist let out an aggravated sigh once Turner went up to the stand to talk about what an impact Jennifer made on all rubber ducks everywhere. "Why are me even _here_…? I would understand if it was a …" Mist received a long stare from Raguna. She wouldn't have noticed though, because the second she uttered the word she fell to the floor, banged her head on a pew, and curled up into the fetal position.

Raguna decided to turn his head away, pretend that whole situation didn't occur, and talk to Noire and Blanche. Worst. _Idea_. _**Ever**_.

"What exactly are you _doing_?" His left eye twitched as he watched the two girls. Blanche was furiously dragging a pocket knife on the church floor, trying to create what seemed to be a circle. Noire was humming in the middle of the circle, with a sombrero on her head. "I'm trying to create a circle to protect us from the Sea Bear, but _Noire keeps wearing her sombrero __in a __goofy fashion__!"_ Raguna's eye twitched from the _awful _Spongebob reference. The villagers here were such hipsters.

A large banging was heard throughout the church, seemingly coming from the door. The congregation turned their attention to the back of the church (Though no one was really paying attention to the _front _of the church, anyways). Raguna happily welcomed the distraction; the easier it would be for him to get the hell out of here.

The door swung open, and about 20 people attempted to file into the room. A boy led the group. His hair could be compared to polished silver, and his eyes sparkled like emeralds. He adorned something that looked like…scraps of clothes, and a torn hat lay tilted on his head. "HELLO. THERE. VILLAGERS. OF. TRAMPOLI. MY. NAME. ADEN. AND. WE. FROM. FENITH. ISLAND. AND. WE." Stella went up to the boy and savagely pimp-slapped that hoe. "Boi, you best start speaking like a normal human." Aden, deeply insulted, ignored the woman and continued screaming in broken Engrish. "I DONTA SPEAKU YOU LANGUAGE. I TRY BE NICE AND THIS WHAT HAPPEN!" By now Raguna was long gone. "Well, just what language do you speak?" A midget ran up and, with a dead-serious face, said, "Google Translate."

A series of face palms occurred.

"Google Translate on suur kultuuri tausta. Mul on hea meel olla Google Transian." That came from an odd man-woman mutant in the back holding a sword. A woman who liked similar to a Dark Elf from Skyrim screamed, 'Használja a Piros IGAZSÁG, Battler!' Another woman smacked the elf and yelled, ' Csak a boszorkányok használhatják a vörös igazságot, te idióta!' Another girl with strawberry hair walked in a circle, chanting "Qīng chuàng líng cháng tīng tang." The boy named Aden coughed very loudly, and gained everyone's attention. He began speaking, though the congregation wished that he didn't. "We comu to speaku to you reader." A simultaneous 'Huh?' sounded through the church. „Nosotros somos aqui porque somos hablar...?" The villagers were still confused, and a little disturbed by this whole confrontation. The church shook with vigor and a bright white lightning bulb struck. Every character screamed, and then, being the idiots they were, ran towards the center of impact.

There, in all her glory, stood Jennifer, burnt to a crisp. "JENNIFERRRRRR!" Tabatha ran up to the duck with joy. She then stuffed the duck in her coat pocket, looked around, and sprinted out of the door. After a very awkward silence, the characters all shuffled out of the chapel, wanting to pretend this day never happened.

…**I'm so sorry you had to read this; Free Virtual Lettuce for everyone. ;A; **ಢ⌂ಢ


End file.
